You Dos
Modesty Used to RULE our Lives... Here's Why it No Longer Does
Podcast Episode by GirlDefined
Completed December 20th
GirlDefined Ministries is run by two sisters, Kristen and Bethany, and seeks to give women truth and encouragement surrounding their purpose, values, and identities. They do this through blogs, videos, their podcast, conferences, and their books. In this podcast episode, they reflected on their past values around modesty and how it dominated not just their minds but also their lives. The emphasis shifted from how they dressed to the posture of their hearts. They realized that modesty had been presented as a “pillar” of biblical womanhood, almost as if it were a gospel issue, even though the Bible does not portray it that way. They tried to earn their worth with modesty, but it only created pride in themselves. Bethany said she fell into the “religious ditch” of pride and judgment, describing how they looked down on others who didn’t dress as modestly as they did. They also showed how the whole purity movement painted men almost like animals who can’t control themselves, and put the burden of men’s purity solely on women. However, they concluded that they aren’t completely disregarding modesty; they're simply trying to avoid idolatry. They are trying to focus on their individual hearts and purity in their own relationships with Christ.
I really loved this podcast, not just because of Bethany and Kristen’s humor and vibrancy, but because of the truth they presented. For many Christian women, modesty and purity have become idols, and they miss the point amidst them. It also leads them to judge others, blinding them to their own sin and pride. The point of modesty is not to earn favor, keep men pure, or prove who is the “most pure.” It represents someone honoring their God-given body and remaining covered. Not because bodies are bad or disgusting, but because certain parts of ourselves are meant to be saved and treasured. However, this looks different from everyone else. The most important part is having the right heart, wanting to honor God, and listening to the Spirit's leading.
This Is The Only Way I Could Overcome Porn...
Completed December 20th
Testimony by Elizabeth Robinson
In this testimony video, Elizabeth Robinson told the story of her years-long battle with a pornography addiction. At first, she struggled with sexual thoughts and was too afraid to tell anyone. So as shame grew on the inside of her, she felt the need to perform and be a “good Christian girl” on the outside. Then, when she got an iPod as a teen with unrestricted access, she stumbled upon online porn. She felt like a freak because she received the message that it was a man’s issue. So she felt a deep fear of being found out and believed people would reject her if they knew. At age 16, she told her parents and was committed to overcoming the sin. But then, at age 17, she began to experience some intense spiritual warfare and got extremely sick. She had a brain bleed because of a burst blood vessel, and she said, “I lost my ability to read, I was less than 100 lbs., and I forgot a lot of people's names.” As she was grappling with the stress and pain, the injury led back to her pornography addiction. Then, in 2020, she felt that God was asking her to give it to Him, and she had to wrestle with her fears of being exposed. But she didn’t want anything to be between her and God, so she told her parents and the leadership at her church. While it wasn’t easy, she realized that the enemy had lost his control. She was also later released from demonic forces that still had a stronghold on her, which left her feeling truly free and caused a chain reaction in her family, too. This intense journey led her to write a book called Girls Do Too and share her testimony with others.
The Real Root of Sexual Sin
Completed December 21st
Article by Desiring God
In this article, Jon Bloom, Co-founder of Desiring God, explains how sexual sin isn’t actually a biological or even sex problem; it is a pride problem. Though many believe that our sexual drives are remnants from our bestial ancestry and genetic intent to procreate, it has so little to do with that. It also isn’t just a matter of sex; it is more. He references Romans 1:21-26 and highlights that God gave us up to our dishonorable passions. That includes sexual sin, of any form or fashion. The real root of sexual perversion, he claims, is human pride. He said that "Sexual immorality and perversions are pride infecting and manipulating the self’s orientation toward sex. Sexual sin is unhinged human pride rejecting the Creator to consume others for the benefit of the self sexually.” However, to overcome it, we must remind ourselves that we are not our own. We were bought with a sacrifice and belong to Christ. So we need to set aside our pride and embrace humility to step into the freedom Christ offers fully.
I had never thought of pride when I thought about sexual sin, but I definitely feel that it plays a part. For us to continue living in sin, especially as believers, some part of us has to believe that we know better than God. That our way is the best way for ourselves, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Only God truly knows what is best for us; after all, he created us. When we chase humility and seek to obey God, all of our sin, including sexual sin, is forced to bow down. We can’t live in humility and pride at the same time; we can’t be in sin and fully surrendered to God.
An Honest Conversation About Saving Sex for Marriage
Podcast Episode by GirlDefined
Completed December 20th
In this GirlDefined podcast episode, Kristen and Bethany talk about their experiences as they both saved sex for marriage. While they do not regret their decisions, they admit they felt underprepared by the Christian community as singles. Things like how their bodies work, how they were made, and God’s design so that they are equipped in appropriate ways. This could have helped them on their wedding nights by setting proper expectations and helping them understand themselves and their husbands. They also talked about how they put sex on too high a pedestal, and while it is something amazing and enjoyable, it is not the cornerstone of marriage. Another thing they mentioned was the culture’s perspective on sex, how it has become casual, and how many feel like they need to “test drive” so that people can see if they are sexually compatible. But they rejected that view because it is not biblical. Bethany also spoke about how many think of sex as something women do for the man and how it should be presented as something mutual and positive that is supposed to be pleasurable for women, too.
I love how openly Bethany and Kristen talk about their experiences and the things they have learned. There are so many who just don’t know about topics of sex and sexuality, and others who believe lies about themselves and God. The only way we can battle this is by being open and honest about these topics and sharing our stories of victory and failure as well. People must know that it is okay not to be perfect, but that we should always be seeking to glorify God in what we do, including in our sexuality. We need more people like these ladies in churches and youth groups so that kids and teens always have a resource to turn to and people to get truth from. Instead of silence and ignorance, we need to embrace vulnerability and honesty around tough conversations so that we can tear down the lie that these things are “not appropriate for church.” If the Bible talks about it, so should we.
How Many Women Watch Porn?
Completed December 21st
Blog by Covenant Eyes
This article by Keith Rose, the editor of the Covenant Eyes blog, explores the rising number of women struggling with a porn addiction. This is much more prevalent than people acknowledge, and many people still view it as a “guy’s problem.” However, this is very far from true. In 2024, the Barna Group published a study that found that 44% of all women view pornography, which is a 5% increase from their study in 2016. This number is particularly growing among the younger generation as online pornography runs rampant. Many Christian women are also struggling with this, and many feel like they don’t have anyone to help them with it. After doing the math, they estimated that almost 50 million women in just the US watch porn, including those who are addicted.
I always love to see rising awareness for girls who struggle with porn. As a girl, you struggle with feelings of being almost a freak because you are fed this narrative that only guys are addicted to porn. It is so uncommon to hear stories of women who have had a pornography addiction, particularly in comparison to men. The reason we stay shackled by sin is because of the shame and secrets that we hide, but if we don’t feel safe to share, then we won’t heal. We need support and help just as much as the men do. We need people around us who have lived through this and are on the journey to serve as examples for us. We need to know that God doesn’t see us as less or more dirty just because we are girls. His love and grace are still extended to every girl who has a struggle that she just can’t seem to get rid of. So let’s keep the conversation going so that girls feel safe to share and confess what they are dealing with.
Breaking the Porn Cycle & Finding Authentic Intimacy Instead with Dr. Joy Skarka
Podcast Episode by GirlDefined
Completed December 20th
In this episode, Bethany interviews Dr. Joy Skarka, program manager at Authentic Intimacy and author of Her Freedom Journey: A Guide Out of Porn and Shame to Authentic Intimacy. Dr. Joy gave her own testimony; she was exposed to pornography as a child, but it did not intensify until she experienced a sexual assault in college. She used porn to cope with her trauma, which many others do as well. It is used as a tool to escape or to feel comfort, not just for pleasure. Porn addiction is often a symptom of a bigger issue, but as people grapple with the secret, they are propelled even deeper into the cycle. However, she found freedom after sharing her struggle and receiving help from mentors and discipleship. She mentioned that the focus was not just to stop the sin but to learn about and understand God and have a proper view of healthy and biblical sexuality. So, Joy encouraged women to take the first step by telling someone they trust and by finding a community to surround themselves with. Freedom is possible, and we do not have to be ruled by shame and brokenness.
This is another story of a woman who struggled with pornography but received healing and freedom through Christ. Stories like these need to be on the front lines because it is possible to be free from sexual sin, and people need to know about it. One thing they spoke about was the statement that “We’re all sexually broken,” which Juli Slattery talks about in her book, Rethinking Sexuality. Many people often feel offended by this concept, but it is so true. Some women might not have had sex outside of marriage, experienced sexual abuse, or have a porn addiction. But you might have lusted, have incorrect beliefs about sex and marriage, or hate men. In some way, we have all lost sight of God’s design for sex. However, once we begin to admit our brokenness, we can better receive God’s truth for these areas.
From Aiden to Jessica:
A Journey Back to Truth with Jessica Rose
Podcast Episode by Lila Rose
Completed December 21st
In this episode of the Lila Rose Show, we hear the testimony of Jessica Rose. Jessica transitioned to male and identified as Aiden, but after discovering Christ, she detransitioned and reidentified as Jessica. Growing up, Jessica wasn’t very “girly.” She enjoyed sports, was tall, and had big hands and feet. Because of the absence of a father figure, she took on the role of protector to keep her mom and siblings safe, but she also had to step into a motherly role to support her family. This led her to resent motherhood, seeing it in its distorted form. This is when she began feeling like she was supposed to be a boy because she believed that “boys won't get hurt. Boys do the hurting.” So she began identifying as a lesbian, adopting a male persona, and dating many women. In college, she learned the word "transgender" and embraced the identity. She chased the idea of physically becoming a man, began identifying as Aiden, and was on testosterone for 6 years. However, the testosterone caused her to experience depression and suicidal thoughts like she never had before. She also realized that nothing she could do externally would fix her or fulfill her; she couldn’t escape her pain. At age 23, she married a 38-year-old woman with a daughter. Even though she had a wife, was fully living as a man, and had a nice house and cars, she lost her family. She lost contact with many members of her family, including her siblings, with whom she was very close. In 2018, she had top surgery and was about to begin the process of bottom surgery. Then in 2019, she had a failed attempt at suicide; this led her to realize that things weren’t right in her life. So she broke up with her wife, whom she had treated as a mother figure. A year later, her boss shared the gospel with her, and she received it. As she began her journey as a Christian, it was still rocky, and it took her years to embrace God’s design for her fully. In 2022, she began reidentifying as Jessica and retransitioning to female. And though she still deals with some physical issues and insecurities, she is believing God for continued healing and restoration. Jessica even hopes to be a wife and mother someday.
This story was so full of heartbreak yet still full of beauty, a telltale sign of God’s hand. I praise God not just for showing her the truth about her gender identity but also for the fact that he got a hold of her heart despite everything she had gone through. One moment that really stood out to me was when she was talking about opening up to her mom about the abuse. She said, “Had I felt that I could talk to her, I think I would not have gone on the journey. So there's some beauty in the safety that a parent can provide, as I will hear you.” This shows me the power of feeling safe to be vulnerable. Sometimes it only takes a conversation to save someone from doing something that will change their life forever. This is especially important for kids, who may struggle to process certain emotions and experiences. We need to give them the space to share their honest feelings and what they’ve gone through without shame. There is also so much beauty in patience as you walk through life with others. When she was saved but still identified as a man, only the people closest to her knew. They didn’t know where the journey would go, but they remained faithful and stood by her throughout it. Sometimes the people closest to us do need to be preached at; they just need your love and presence. Our actions speak way more than any words can, so they can truly see and know the love of Christ based on your faith and the way you treat them. As we encounter and connect with people living in sin, we need to pay attention to how the Holy Spirit wants us to show up in their lives.
Pornography may be commonplace, but a growing body of research shows it causes lasting harm to the brain & relationships.
Article by The Conversation
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Completed December 21st
In this episode, Bethany interviews Dr. Joy Skarka, program manager at Authentic Intimacy and author of Her Freedom Journey: A Guide Out of Porn and Shame to Authentic Intimacy. Dr. Joy gave her own testimony; she was exposed to pornography as a child, but it did not intensify until she experienced a sexual assault in college. She used porn to cope with her trauma, which many others do as well. It is used as a tool to escape or to feel comfort, not just for pleasure. Porn addiction is often a symptom of a bigger issue, but as people grapple with the secret, they are propelled even deeper into the cycle. However, she found freedom after sharing her struggle and receiving help from mentors and discipleship. She mentioned that the focus was not just to stop the sin but to learn about and understand God and have a proper view of healthy and biblical sexuality. So, Joy encouraged women to take the first step by telling someone they trust and by finding a community to surround themselves with. Freedom is possible, and we do not have to be ruled by shame and brokenness.
This is another story of a woman who struggled with pornography but received healing and freedom through Christ. Stories like these need to be on the front lines because it is possible to be free from sexual sin, and people need to know about it. One thing they spoke about was the statement that “We’re all sexually broken,” which Juli Slattery talks about in her book, Rethinking Sexuality. Many people often feel offended by this concept, but it is so true. Some women might not have had sex outside of marriage, experienced sexual abuse, or have a porn addiction. But you might have lusted, have incorrect beliefs about sex and marriage, or hate men. In some way, we have all lost sight of God’s design for sex. However, once we begin to admit our brokenness, we can better receive God’s truth for these areas.
Jackie Hill Perry's Testimony: From LGBTQ to Born-Again Christian
Podcast Episode by Lila Rose
Completed December 21st
In this episode of the Lila Rose Show, we hear the testimony of Jessica Rose. Jessica transitioned to male and identified as Aiden, but after discovering Christ, she detransitioned and reidentified as Jessica. Growing up, Jessica wasn’t very “girly.” She enjoyed sports, was tall, and had big hands and feet. Because of the absence of a father figure, she took on the role of protector to keep her mom and siblings safe, but she also had to step into a motherly role to support her family. This led her to resent motherhood, seeing it in its distorted form. This is when she began feeling like she was supposed to be a boy because she believed that “boys won't get hurt. Boys do the hurting.” So she began identifying as a lesbian, adopting a male persona, and dating many women. In college, she learned the word "transgender" and embraced the identity. She chased the idea of physically becoming a man, began identifying as Aiden, and was on testosterone for 6 years. However, the testosterone caused her to experience depression and suicidal thoughts like she never had before. She also realized that nothing she could do externally would fix her or fulfill her; she couldn’t escape her pain. At age 23, she married a 38-year-old woman with a daughter. Even though she had a wife, was fully living as a man, and had a nice house and cars, she lost her family. She lost contact with many members of her family, including her siblings, with whom she was very close. In 2018, she had top surgery and was about to begin the process of bottom surgery. Then in 2019, she had a failed attempt at suicide; this led her to realize that things weren’t right in her life. So she broke up with her wife, whom she had treated as a mother figure. A year later, her boss shared the gospel with her, and she received it. As she began her journey as a Christian, it was still rocky, and it took her years to embrace God’s design for her fully. In 2022, she began reidentifying as Jessica and retransitioning to female. And though she still deals with some physical issues and insecurities, she is believing God for continued healing and restoration. Jessica even hopes to be a wife and mother someday.
This story was so full of heartbreak yet still full of beauty, a telltale sign of God’s hand. I praise God not just for showing her the truth about her gender identity but also for the fact that he got a hold of her heart despite everything she had gone through. One moment that really stood out to me was when she was talking about opening up to her mom about the abuse. She said, “Had I felt that I could talk to her, I think I would not have gone on the journey. So there's some beauty in the safety that a parent can provide, as I will hear you.” This shows me the power of feeling safe to be vulnerable. Sometimes it only takes a conversation to save someone from doing something that will change their life forever. This is especially important for kids, who may struggle to process certain emotions and experiences. We need to give them the space to share their honest feelings and what they’ve gone through without shame. There is also so much beauty in patience as you walk through life with others. When she was saved but still identified as a man, only the people closest to her knew. They didn’t know where the journey would go, but they remained faithful and stood by her throughout it. Sometimes the people closest to us do need to be preached at; they just need your love and presence. Our actions speak way more than any words can, so they can truly see and know the love of Christ based on your faith and the way you treat them. As we encounter and connect with people living in sin, we need to pay attention to how the Holy Spirit wants us to show up in their lives.
Raised on Porn
Documentary
Completed December 20th
This documentary explores the effects of early exposure to pornography on youth today. They followed the stories of several different people to show some of the effects pornography can have on people and their relationships. The earlier children are exposed to explicit pornography, the more likely they are to develop an addiction. Dr. Robert Weiss explained that a child “does not have the emotional and biological development to be able to really understand what the meaning is of what he's seeing. He knows it's incredibly arousing and amazing and distracting and fun, and it feels good to look at, but their brains are really not ready to handle it.” The part of their brain that weighs and judges what they’re seeing is not fully developed, so they can't resist such a strong stimulus like porn. The brain is the most sexual organ, so when an adolescent brain is introduced to porn, it begins to build a narrative about what sex is and what it means. Pornography becomes a model of sexual templates; it is the most influential sex educator. And now, with the internet, everyone has access to porn, including children. It is so easy to just stumble upon some type of porn online, especially on a device without restrictions. This is why kids need honest conversation around it from adults. Instead, they received a one-sided presentation of sex where women are simply seen as objects for male pleasure. Former NFL quarterback Don McPherson said, “It's not about equality or egalitarian lovemaking. It's all about doing something to her, not sharing something with her.” One man, Richie, described his first encounter with pornography and how it stuck with him, even though he didn’t fully understand it. As he grew into his teen years, it had a significant impact on him. It caused him to objectify and manipulate women to get what he wanted. He didn’t know how to connect with women healthily, so he led them to believe that he was shy, while he had secret motives to sleep with them. Another girl recalled her past relationship with a boyfriend who watched porn. He told her he watched it frequently and began doing the things he saw in the videos with her. She said, “Over the course of our relationship, the different sexual things that he wanted to do became more and more vile and abusive and scary for me.” In one instance, he even wanted to reenact something he saw, which involved punching her in the face. The most accessible pornography on porn websites is violent with no storyline. You have to look for non-violent content, and in most cases, kids aren't going to do so. And there have been rising cases of minors committing sexual assault, many involving things like gagging and strangling. People often don’t start by seeking out one type of porn, but as they indulge, they find more violent or even illegal pornography, like child porn. Pornography has an escalator effect, because what satisfied you today won’t tomorrow, so you need to seek out more extreme things.
This documentary was insightful to watch and learn from. It was visually appealing, but it also gave real-life stories from people who had been affected by the effects of pornography. They also had dozens of experts, doctors, and other professionals who provided scientific data to support and explain what was being presented. The part that really stood out to me was how early kids are being introduced to pornography. In this documentary, they said some kids are being exposed as early as 11, but other sources say 8. That is so incredibly alarming. There are already so many tough things to face in our world today, and in our digital age, this is yet another challenge children have to deal with far earlier than they should. It is so unbelievably easy to find porn online; it is so scary. You can also find literally anything you want; they have porn that involves rape, children, and even animals, and it is not difficult. But how can we move forward? Well, having the conversation with kids early is the first step. Educating them about what it is, why it is bad, and what to do if they have already encountered it. And if they have already been exposed, support them along the way with device restrictions and accountability, or sometimes with outside help. All kids’ devices should have some form of regulation that gradually loosens as they age; however, the hope is that, by this point, they are equipped enough to make wiser decisions. Of course, this isn’t an end-all, and some kids might still develop an addiction. However, this strategy of silence is not working, and kids are suffering as a result.
Detransition: I Want My Sex Back
Documentary
Completed December 20th
This documentary followed the stories of 3 biological men, Billy Burleigh, Rene Jax, and Walt Heyer, who underwent sex reassignment surgery and lived as women. Billy and Walt both transitioned to women, then detransitioned to men. However, Rene, now 60, still lives as a woman, even though he believes his choice was a mistake. Growing up, Billy felt like he belonged with the girls. He knew he should be with the boys, but he wanted to be like his sisters. Later in life, he underwent the surgery and was very excited about it. However, he never had the full ability to have sex because the genitals they made were too small and caused him extreme pain. After 7 years, his problems had worsened, so he began to detransition. He became a Christian and now lives with his wife, Rachel. Rene grew up in a conservative family with an absent father and an alcoholic mother. He hated his body and the fact that he wasn’t a girl. By 18, he was cross-dressing, and by 20, he was living as a girl, but it still wasn’t enough. So, he started taking hormones, then got breast implants, and then he got his genitalia removed, but none of it was enough. He said that gender dysphoria was still there “because it starts out being about your anatomy, but really…you don't like yourself.” He is now a published author with 3 of 8 books about transsexuality, and he speaks to youth about the reality of the path if they decide to take it. Walt became interested in cross-dressing as a child, so he told his grandma, who made him a dress. At 13, he secretly changed his name, began taking hormones in his 20s, and then got the surgery in 1983. He felt like a weight had been lifted off of him, but after reflection, he realized that his feelings stemmed from sexual abuse that happened to him. So now he helps counsel others considering reassignment surgery. He is also a believer and has been married to his wife for 21 years.
All of these stories were both heartbreaking and encouraging, especially those involving redemption. One thing that stuck with me was something Rene said: “These surgeries are nothing more than plastic surgery.” She went on to describe how terrible-looking some of the genitalia that the doctors construct are. But even beyond that, no matter what you add to or take away from your body, it will never leave you feeling whole or complete. That is because this is not a physical issue but often a mental one that requires therapy and healing to deal with. I also think it is so important to note that all three of these men experienced some type of childhood trauma, two of which were sexual abuse. While not every trans person has experienced trauma, about 70-90% do. It plays a much bigger role in this than we acknowledge, which further supports the idea that this is an issue that needs to be addressed by a therapist, not a surgeon. My heart goes out to all those struggling with gender dysphoria. I can’t even imagine the pain and confusion that they deal with daily. That is why I want so badly for them to get proper help and support, not hormones and surgeries to feed an illusion, because you will have wasted time and money just to feel still lost and confused.
5 Ways Pornography Harms Children &Teens
Blog by Protect Young Eyes
Completed December 21st
In this blog post, we learn about the five main effects pornography has on kids and what we can do to stand against it. Pornography harms a child’s brain, their view of sex, their view of people, and their quality of life, and causes them to hurt other children. Pornography actually changes neural pathways in the brain, and because children’s prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped, they are so much more prone to developing an addiction. It gives them an unrealistic framework for sex that is not realistic for committed relationships. It frames sex as something selfish, violent, and expected whenever you want. Porn also affects their productivity, and because of its addictive nature, they can’t stop watching it. It also causes them to act out sexually on themselves and with other people, sometimes with other kids or siblings. But we can combat this by talking to your kids about porn consistently and persistently, remaining calm and gracious if they open up, and sometimes getting them professional help so that they can truly recover.
There is not much I have to say about this article. I completely agree with everything that has been said. I just wish more people knew about and practiced the things in this article. We can’t continue to ignore or evade talking to our kids about pornography because it is so likely that they will stumble upon it at some point if they haven’t already. But if they have the foundations of truth about its effects and the support of their parents, they have a much higher chance of avoiding or overcoming porn addiction. We just have to take the first steps and pray that they use the tools and knowledge that you equipped them with.
Resiliency & Recovery
TED Talk by Jennifer Storm
Completed December 21st
Author, victims’ rights expert, and consultant Jennifer Storm told her story from childhood sexual abuse and addiction to recovery. She was a happy child, a straight-A student, with a normal life. Then, at age 12, she was raped by a pedophile, and not knowing how to handle it, she stuffed it all down. This only created more pain, confusion, and anger inside of her. She didn’t know how to heal or feel; she couldn’t verbalize her feelings, so she turned to alcohol to numb the pain. The alcohol led to weed, which led to LSD and eventually crack cocaine at 17. Her turning point was when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and died in her arms. This caused all the emotions and experiences she had been pushing down to erupt, and she later tried and failed to kill herself. This led her into rehab, where she met someone who told her that secrets keep you sick. This caused her to begin unpacking everything she had been pushing down and to allow herself to feel it. Now she lives a completely changed life, but she had to identify and deal with what was keeping her bound.
This phenomenal story is yet another example of how our secrets are the things that prevent us from healing, especially in areas of sexuality. Sexual brokenness is unlike any other type; it affects us more and is harder to be free from. This is because of how God created us and why he created sex. However, while it is hard to overcome, it is most definitely not impossible. However, we just have to be willing to let the light in so that the darkness can be treated. We have to open up and be honest. As believers, we have to care more about being fully connected to God than about how it will affect our reputation, how it will make us feel, or how painful or difficult it is. Those are the cares of the world that we need to be free from. But if we hold on, we only continue to poison ourselves and our relationships with others and God
The Porn Paradox
TED Talk by Megan Johnson
Completed December 21st
In this talk, Megan talks about the side of pornography that we don’t often think about: sex trafficking. It is the fastest-growing illicit industry in the world, and many of those being trafficked are children. However, she wanted to call attention to the hypocrisy of many. As a society, we stand against and have outlawed things like prostitution, pedophilia, and rape. Most people agree that sex should be between two consenting adults and that forced or paid sex is wrong, but when it is recorded, it is okay. Porn increases the demand for bought sex and, therefore, the demand for sex slaves. Many sex slaves are also shown porn and forced to imitate it. So, people are tuned into a commodity to be bought for pleasure. Porn also sets sexual expectations for kids who are exposed to it. It becomes a selfish physical act to please the man, and it can be done whenever, however, and with whomever. More violent porn is also becoming increasingly popular. Women are being portrayed as objects to be dominated, and it even portrays it as enjoyable. So she challenges people to pick a side. If you are against sex trafficking, prostitution, and child exploitation, then do that. However, you cannot exclude pornography.
This was so interesting and challenging for me to watch. I am guilty of only considering the effects on the one watching, not on the one on the other side of the camera. I do believe that porn is terrible, but not just because of the detriment it does to the brain, to our hearts, and to relationships, but also because of its effect on the ones who have to do it. Millions of men, women, and children are being forced to perform sexual acts. Often, those who own them are paid as a result. That constitutes it as prostitution and rape, and the fact that some of these people are children adds a whole other disturbing layer. But in many circles, pornography is accepted, and sometimes it is even encouraged. But with all the information we have about it, how can we continue with this absurd idea? We are honestly kidding ourselves if we can find any truly justifiable reason for pornography to exist outside. We can say it is our right and that some people consent to it, but these are straw man arguments that ignore the immeasurable harms. Her closing statement perfectly sums this up: she said, “If you still think your orgasm is worth the price being paid for it, which you're completely free to do, at least own it, be aware, and don't be a hypocrite.”
The great porn experiment
TED Talk by Gary Wilson
Completed December 21st
Bestselling Author, Gary Wilson, explains how widespread internet porn is an enormous, uncontrolled social experiment. Anyone with internet access can become a test subject. The novelty of porn makes it even more arousing and addictive. It triggers the release of dopamine, which drives us to continue wanting and seeking it. However, it has become the norm for many young men today. He gave an example of this by saying that if all guys started smoking at 10, and no one didn’t, we would think lung cancer was normal for all guys. The symptoms that porn can cause, like depression, social anxiety, concentration problems, etc., are being mistaken for other things. Many people might believe porn is healthy because sex is, but porn is not an accurate depiction of sex. It is a physical exchange that often includes violence or humiliation, specifically toward women. Porn also affects men’s sexual performance because the problem isn’t necessarily with the body; it is a brain-based issue. As someone becomes desensitized, real or normal sexual behavior does not arouse them any longer. It is also tougher for men addicted to internet porn to recover because of the profound effects it has. However, it is possible, and people have seen improvements in their mental health and sexual function after quitting.
I had never thought of online porn as a social experiment, but I definitely see it a little differently now. We have all these test subjects and virtually no control group to cross-reference them to. It is unregulated, but its effects are immense and spreading like wildfire. One thing I wish he had included was its effects on women. In this video, he focused solely on men and how it affected them. But women are porn addicts too; it is becoming increasingly common. This talk was given almost 10 years ago, so I understand there wasn't as much information available. Still, I would definitely love to see how similar and how different the results were across genders.
The Bible: A queer positive book
TED Talk by Rev. Dr. Cheri DiNovo
Completed December 21st
In this talk, queer pastor, Reverend Cheri DiNovio, explained why, contrary to popular belief, the Bible isn’t actually against homosexuality but actually supports it. Instead of using the bible to condemn, criminalize, and hurt the LGBTQ+ communities, we should see it as “queer positive.” She claims that queer people of faith have existed forever and gave several examples of this. She mentioned that the first person to convert to Christianity was a eunuch, and eunuchs were sometimes castrated because they had no interest in heterosexual sex. Reverend Cheri then says that John was portrayed as feminine in the Last Supper painting and that male and female were created in his image, urging us not to constrain him to the role of an old white man. She also talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah, a verse commonly used against the community, is not about sexual morality concerning heterosexuality. It shows an attempted gang rape and not consensual same-sex love. So based on this, and more, the Bible should not be weaponized against LGBTQ people but should be used for love.
This was so scary to watch, not only because she believes this and is sharing it, but also because she is an ordained pastor leading a church. All of these things were lies that were twisted in favor of feelings. Though some of these things might seem true, they are all constructs humans have created to condone their sins and make themselves feel better. Now, I can’t negate the pain that the Church has caused the LGBTQ+ community, but that does not excuse this level of distortion. We need to reclaim truth without ignoring love and grace. Neither of those things needs to be compromised for the name of God to be glorified.
Bernie Anderson Testimony at LLUC
Completed December 20th
Bernie Anderson was exposed to pornography at age nine after finding some discarded pornographic magazines. Even though he didn’t know what it was, he was captivated by it. He later had a second exposure at age 11 from a VHS tape he found, which had pornographic videos on it. He was then introduced to the Seventh-day Adventist Church through a private school. As he grew up, he started noticing girls, but the church was silent about sex. He didn’t know what to do with the feelings and curiosities he had. One day, he mustered the courage to open up to a pastor, but all the pastor did was pray and send him away. He was still hiding as he enters college, but he saw it as an issue between him and God. Bernie thought it was a sex problem, so he got married, which is an idea that the church reinforced. He believed the idea that all his areas of sexual brokenness would be gone once they got married, but that is definitely not true. Even though he avoided porn for a short time, he fell back into temptation when dial-up internet came around. This led to more compulsive and addictive behaviors, and he described himself spiraling into an even darker, more broken place. Even though he presented as this wonderful pastor with a happy wife and kids, he was still battling this addiction alone. Eventually, his wife found out, and he confessed, but he still wasn’t ready to change. So he kept falling and getting caught until his wife and kids left to be with her parents. This was his rock bottom, so he cried out to God for help, and God told him, “If you'll just tell someone, if you'll just confess, if you'll just disclose, if you'll just open up your life, you might find freedom." So he told his close friend and immediately felt a sense of peace; he realized that freedom was possible. Thus began Bernie’s journey to wholeness, and not only was he restored, but his marriage was restored as well. It is a rough journey they are still on today, but it was so worth it.
Bernie’s story is so inspiring and such a beautiful testimony of God’s grace and the power of community. One thing he said that stuck with me is that “pornography is the enemy of intimacy.” Pornography creates barriers between you and God and the people you are in relationships with. You are living outside of God's will and in sin, which separates you from him. It also distorts how you view, love, and treat those you are in relationships with. However, he also shared a quote from Johann Hari that said, “The opposite of addiction isn't sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.” Many people try to battle porn addiction by trying to “just stop” or white-knuckle their way out of it, but that never works. We will always find our way back to the same spot or even a worse one. But once we involve other people in our pain and struggle, we can really heal. We won’t just have accountability; we will have people who genuinely know you and still love you, regardless of what they know about you.
Discipling Kids in a Sexually Broken World With Laurie & Matt Krieg
Podcast Episode by With The Perrys
Completed December 21st
In this podcast episode of With the Perrys, Laurie and Matt Krieg were invited to speak about raising kids in a sexually broken world. Laurie is a prominent Christian teacher and author, and Matt is a licensed mental health therapist who specializes in sexuality and marriage. They recently wrote a book called Raising Kids in a Sexually Broken World: A Gospel-Centered Approach, in which they explore their reasons for writing it and some of the topics it covers. Laurie felt a burden from the Lord to help equip parents in this world, so she and her husband took the charge. One of the things they talked about was preparing their kids instead of just trying to protect them from everything. They introduced the idea of discipling their kids through everyday, easy-to-understand lessons. Bringing up topics of the gospel and sexuality as questions are asked and moments come up, but also talking about them to equip them before a situation comes up. For example, they mentioned talking to their kids about pornography early and clearly so that they understand. Kids are being exposed to pornography earlier and earlier, and the goal is not to talk to them post-exposure but to prepare them before they see it. They noted how important it is to tell them that they will not be in trouble if they see it, to avoid them feeling shame. It is also important that parents handle other situations with grace and assurance. The point is not to attack them or prevent the problem; it is to repair the damage and help them get back on track. But to do this, they explained that parents have to face and heal from their own sexual traumas. This will allow them to handle the situation with understanding and compassion instead of condemnation. They closed by encouraging parents to be honest with their kids about their own brokenness and need for Jesus. It is important that kids see their parents fail and repent so they know that it is okay not to be perfect.
I love that Laurie and Matt are helping to lead the charge on open conversations about biblical sex and sexuality. Being silent about these issues has never been, and never will be, a healthy approach. One thing they talked about was gender stereotypes, and I think this topic definitely needs more light shed on it. Many kids feel like they don’t fit into a particular gender identity because of the stereotypes surrounding it. For example, boys like blue, trucks, and sports, while girls like pink, dolls, and dresses. But being a boy or a girl is so much more than colors and toys; it is biological differences that extend down to the cellular level. So we shouldn’t confine kids to boxes based on what they like. Instead, we should affirm them in their true identities while still acknowledging their interests. I also love that they spoke about the beauty of singleness and how they teach their kids that it is okay to be single, too. Oftentimes, especially in Christian circles, we raise kids with the idea that marriage is the pinnacle, but that is not everyone’s call. Both marriage and singleness are beautiful pictures of the gospel, and both singles and couples can be tools God uses to bring people to him. One way they do this is by honoring the singles in their life. Not showing them pity, but showing their kids how wonderful they are and how God uses them.
Brain, Heart, World
3-Part Docuseries by Fight the New Drug
Completed December 21st
Brain, Heart, World is a three-part documentary series by Fight the New Drug that illustrates how pornography negatively affects individuals, their relationships, and society. They started by addressing the effects of pornography on an individual’s brain. The brain can change itself, a process known as neuroplasticity. So if we engage in an activity, particularly a pleasurable one, we become better and more efficient at doing it. The new neural pathways it makes can become very resilient and long-lasting. Porn is also a supernormal stimulus, meaning it alters our expectations, responses, and preferences through its extreme nature. This affects our view of sexual situations because of how it overwhelms our brain’s natural processes. Porn also affects how we view others. Those who are frequent porn consumers are more likely to objectify and dehumanize others sexually. In relationships, it negatively affects partners’ communication, connection, and likelihood of lasting. There are also higher chances of infidelity and lower sexual satisfaction in the relationship. Partners will have unrealistic expectations for their partner’s performance and appearance, and they will often be less satisfied being with them. Porn is also becoming increasingly violent and aggressive, particularly toward women. This normalizes sexual violence for viewers as they become desensitized to the extreme content.
In some cases, people might try to reenact what they saw, even without consent. Porn is also much more connected to sex trafficking than we often realize. Traffickers and abusers usually use pornography to groom victims and show them what will be expected of them. Elizabeth Smart is a woman who was kidnapped at age 14, and she was regularly forced to watch pornography before she was raped. She said, “The things that these women were being photographed doing were things that I was being forced to do, and it was almost like they were setting the bar, setting the standard of what my captor was going to force me to do next… It almost felt like this pornography was my sentencing.” Many people who are being sex trafficked are also exploited to be used in porn, and there is no viable way to know if someone has consented before consuming the content. They shared all this to shine light on the many detriments of porn; it is something that doesn’t just affect the viewer but also those around them and the people in the content as well.
One thing I really loved was all the real stories they included in the documentaries. For each part, they had at least three people who shared their experiences with porn. The first two had stories of men and women who were addicted to porn and overcame it. The last one had stories of people who were in the porn industry or were sex trafficked. All of these stories were full of pain and brokenness, but they overcame their pain and struggles with the help of a good community. Whether it was friends, family, or a romantic partner, they experienced great healing when they were honest, asked for help, and surrounded themselves with people who love them. I really enjoyed the stories from people who used to be in the industry. Some of them experienced severe depression and emptiness because of the work they were doing. They had wealth and fame, but they were numbing the pain with drugs and alcohol just to get through a scene. One woman felt intense pressure from her managers and contractors to do things she hadn’t initially agreed to. She would sign on for one thing, and they would want her to do something else during the scene, threatening not to pay her if she refused.
There are so many reasons that pornography is utterly terrible. It has horrible effects on those who consume it, and it ruins their intimacy and view of others. Those who are in the content are often miserable and sometimes are even being trafficked. It is also used to exploit and groom people to perform sexual acts that they did not consent to. But for some reason, we continue to promote it and even encourage people to enter the industry.
The Walk of Fame
vs. The Walk of Shame
TED Talk by Dannah Gresh
Completed December 21st
In this talk, Dannah Gresh, an author, speaker, and the founder of True Girl, explored the contradictory messaging men and women receive in college. Traditionally, when a girl is seen walking back to her dorm after having sex, it is seen as the walk of shame, but if it is a guy, it is seen as the walk of fame. In our culture, virginity is mocked, and “sexual freedom” is encouraged. The word "tolerance" has become so popular, but she challenges whether we are actually tolerant of all sexual choices. She then went on to debunk three commonly believed myths about sex. The first one is that you can hook up without commitment. But, when we have sex, neurochemicals like dopamine, peace and pleasure, and oxytocin, which bond us to the other person, wash over our brains. That is why, when people are “friends with benefits,” they end up going to the same person. The second myth is that you can have great sex without being in love, which is maybe true physically but not necessarily emotionally. She found a study that showed that when a woman is in an uncommitted relationship, her brain doesn’t produce those “bonding” chemicals as much as when she is in a mutually monogamous relationship. The third myth is that sexual pleasure is best when you’re young, but studies show that middle-aged people in monogamous lifetime partnerships have the most frequent and hottest sex. She closed by encouraging people to embrace and celebrate their virginity because it is worthy of
tolerance.
When I watched this talk for the first time as a freshman, I was so in awe. I had no idea how much our bodies and biology played a part in sex. It is so much more than just body parts coming together; your brain is making chemicals and connections. However, the main thing that stood out to me this time was the lack of tolerance around virginity. Less than a hundred years ago, being a virgin was not only common, but it was encouraged and celebrated. Now, virgins are criticized and questioned for their choices. The same world that preaches tolerance and acceptance for all sexual choices and expressions mocks virgins for their choice not to have sex. Sex has become so regular and casual that we can’t see the effects that having multiple sex partners has. Instead, we believe lies about sex that keep the cycle of sexual brokenness going.